Miss She

Dear Outfit,

I don’t know where he is? I have been waiting for him since long now.

Today I went to the woods in the evening, I asked them, “Where do you think is he?” The trees just breezed my question away.

There’s no one to answer this, neither is destiny showing any signs of mercy.

Then there is Rahul, he says he loves me a lot, so does Nishant, Aman, and Sagar say. And guess what, all of them are really good at singing , and Rahul and Aman even play guitar. Just the kind of guy  I would want. You know, how much I die hearing someone sing.

But then, there’s something weird. I simply don’t feel for either of them. I just don’t. And the guy I liked, he seems to have forgotten me totally.

Rohan was profusely rich.  Very often, he would play his lovely guitar and sing songs for me. We were really good friends. Then, on Valentine, he asked me out. I simply refused and got a bit angry too. Later, my whole world experienced a big bang.  He never called up henceforth. I called him, messaged him, but there were no replies. Soon, I started missing him a lot. But I knew, calling wouldn’t help, he is no more interested in me. So, I just moved on, keeping his smells still afresh in my tiny heart.

I just wish, if for once, Rohan had stayed, and asked me out once more, I would have agreed. Honestly, its not that I never liked him. I loved him Outfit, I did. And I know he loved me too, dearly. But I could hear the noise of status bells in future. I wanted him to ask me, why I can’t go along with him. I wanted him to know that I feared the reaction of his parents, of his society and everyone, considering me belonging to a middle class family. I wanted him to know that I love him too. I wanted him to know, that I loved him all the more each time he sang for me, and each time he held my hand to make our ‘Friendship Palace’.

But , he never asked. And today, he’s almost faint in my memories. Its been long to this. I guess, I don’t miss him because, he never came back once I allowed him to go. For I have always believed:

“Always let your love go. If he comes back, he is your’s. If he doesn’t, he never was .”

But today, I have blogged him here, because, I wanted to thank him for everything.

Rohan, I miss you, and even more, I miss your Love and Songs in life. ( ‘Love’ was the name I gave to Rohan’s guitar).

Yet, the question remains. Who is it for me then? Where are you my stupid Lover? Where? I am sure, whoever you’d be, you too would be just as lazy as me, cause its been whole 19 years now, and you haven’t arrived . And I thought, my 20^th birthday would be in the laps of my lover, singing for me. But hey, something makes me stick to that thought even still. I get this banging belief that he’s somewhere just here, somewhere, reading all this, or may be not, but my thoughts are reaching him, making him restless, and asking him to give me a call RIGHT NOW !!

Come what may, its between me and God, that my 20^th birthday will surely be with the Love of my Life. Halt. I said, ‘Love of my Life’ , and not just ‘Love’. So Dear God, be sure whom you send, I don’t want to swap later, and you know that.

Love you Lord, love you Papa.

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